Have you ever?.....
Done something that you knew in your heart was wrong?
Have you ever gave someone your word and then didn’t come through?
Have you ever saw someone being mistreated and didn’t standup for them?
Have you ever said yes to something but then said no later after you committed to it?
Have you ever said something about someone else to a third party without first saying it to the actual person being spoken about?
Have you ever not taken a stand you knew you should have taken in your heart but you played it off as not wanting to be confrontational?
Have you ever avoided a conversation about race, religion, politics, social injustice, or any other “confrontational subject because you felt like it would be unfruitful?
Have you ever made a promised that you did not honor?
Have you ever done something you regretted and now live by or with such regret?
Have you ever had something done to you and now youfind it hard to forgive?
Have you ever faced a seemingly impossible situation that you thought you were unable to face so you avoided it for it to come back to you later to face?
These amongst many other questions are in our lives to face and answer. I as a writer a leader, mentor, counselor, coach, and confidant have listen to many people over the years deal with these types of situations and questions. I myself have also faced these questions and situations and have had to decide who I wanted to be in this life.
These questions all deal with character and integrity. They also have to deal with what I call; “issues of the heart!” The character that one possesses is one that is made or broken through much of life’s opposition. The issues of the heart derive out of many conditions and circumstances that one has gone through or had to deal with during their life. As always I write out of my own encounters and life’s journeys and this is absolutely something that I have had to deal with over the years. More recently I have seen more and more that people don’t really care how much their word means to others, for example; when someone says that they will call you back shouldn’t we expect a call back? Examples number two; when someone says that they will most assuredly do something for you shouldn’t we expect them to be a man or women of their word? Examples number three; not telling a friend the truth and use the excuse that they did not want to hurt the person’s feelings. Examples number four; not using the opportunity to standup for someone simply because it was the right thing to do but would put you into a tuff spot because you stand up for them so you don’t. Finally not doing the right thing because it meant that you would be out their alone so instead of doing what’s right you cover your own butt instead.
These examples are all everyday situations that we will all face at one time or another. I have seen many people leave me out to dry in many different situations and it has left a very bad taste in my mouth. I have seen people lie on me and about me to cover their own butt’s. I have had people promise things that they did not come through with. Ihave had people give me their word on things and never come through and in some cases find a way to blame me for why they did not come through. I have had so many different encounters with people who simply have no character and or integrity and I will not ever put up with those types of people in my life. I will come back to this statement because I will absolutely cut anyone off who I feel is not in a relationship with me to get the same out of it.
So when it comes to people and what I expect from them I am not expecting anyone to be perfect or even like me. What I do expect is respect! There will be many people in this life that we will have to deal with whether it is work, school, and relationships personal or platonic. No matter what it is there must be respect. I raise the standard very high when it comes to people I keep close in my life because I value such relationships. I don’t lower the standard because if I do I get what I am putting out there. I can sum this up by saying if a person I call close does not exhibit the character and integrity I work hard to maintain then they are not someone I call or even keep close. We simply don’t possess the same ideals that will strengthen a relationship. So when I say I will cut some one off I mean it because if I don’t the disappointment will be on me and not them because they never possessed the ability to maintain a pure relationship. So what I do is give every person an opportunity to prove who they are and then I make a decision about our relationship accordingly. I believe when a person shows you who they are you should believe them. I also believe that you never get a second chance to make a first impression. I also believe that a person should never complain about what they tolerate. So if someone is doing you wrong and the pattern is not getting better then that’s on you who continue to place value on such relationships.
I have said all of this today to say this; there comes a time where we have to be real and true to who we are. I believe that many people put up with these types of relationships because they don’t really know who they are or what their value is. Most importantly how much they are love by God. When this is missing then you will settle for anything or anyone. I also believe we have become content with relationships built off of lies and or distrust. Now as a believer in Christ I am not saying that we should not forgive but I am saying don’t forget. If I remember what actions got me into certain situations then I am most likely not to enter them again. If I remember that someone stole from me then I will be mindful that someone else is capable of doing the same thing. These are all very important things to remember while valuing relationships with people in our lives. From this day forward don’t settle for less than perfection in a relationship with others. Biblically speaking the word perfection means mature. So allow relationships with people to mature not deplete you. All of the things I said at the beginning of this blog all had to do with how people have done me in the past and I am simply not going to deal with it. I have made the choice to confront those who have said things about me behind my back. I have made the decision to alleviate those in my life who are not going where I am going. I will not lower my standard of a friend and what I expect from them simply to say I have a friend. I will not tolerate those who are ok with telling lies because there is no such thing as a white lie they are all lies weather big, small, black or white. I wil no longer tolerate people who don’t keep their word I will call them on it. I will not settle for a phony person acting like everything is ok when I have a problem with them I am going to tell them how I feel. I refuse to be like society is trying to make me be by not confronting issues. To avoid them only makes it harder later because they will always come up like racism, it has never truly been addressed that’s why it keeps coming up.
Finally if I could leave you with a final thought it would be to set a standard of who and what you expect from people and never compromise that standard. You will always get out of any situation what you go into it expecting. I have come to the conclusion that I can only expect from people what I demand of them. In addition people will get out of me what I have set my standard to be. I am a person of excellence in everything I do and that is what you will always get from me. PLEASE don’t settle for anything less than a person’s best from here on it will sayve you a lot of heart ache and pain in the future. Be real, be true, be consistent, and be someone a person would be proud to call friend!
God bless you all,
D